ODD

Since last few days I have been feeling little lonely, and not able to focus on things. Yesterday it reached to a point that I could not get any work done. So I decided to go to a doctor and have this checked out. Here is how the conversation went

Me: Hello Doctor!
Doctor: Hello there! How can I help you?

Me: Well for last few days, I am not feeling very well. I mean not physically, but I cannot really concentrate on anything. I just spend time surfing on the net.
Doctor: Lets see, what has changed in your lifestyle lately?

Me: Nothing really. I still enjoy my work, go to gym regularly, keep myself creative. Infact my life should be better. I have found an amazing group of friends lately and we keep in touch regularly through Orkut
Doctor: Orkut!!

Me: Yes you know that site where you can scrap, sent messages just keep in touch
Doctor: Yes I know what Orkut is. Tell me more about your activites on Orkut

Me: Umm ... I signed up about a 3 weeks ago. Initially I used to log in once a day, now I log in almost 3-4 times a day...
Doctor: Aha!! I think you have ODD!

Me: ODD?
Doctor: You are lucky, we caught it at an early stage.

Me: Caught it?? You are scaring me doctor!!
Doctor: Well, see if you can identify with this. You log into orkut every 2-3 hours. You do that anywhere you can find internet .. friend's place, office. Hoping that someone has scrapped you a note. You look at the scrap count and it looks the same as the last time. You still check the scrap anyway thinking may be you don't remember the count correctly. When you find really there are no new scraps you get disappointed. You feel lonely.
And then you still do the same things two hours later.
Me: That sounds like me...
Doctor: You have at stage one of ODD

Me: What is this ODD?
Doctor: It stants for "Orkut Deficiency Disorder"

Me : Disorder?
Doctor: Don't worry, one in three orkut users have this

Me: So now?
Doctor: We will start with therapy. You should make someone your Orkut Buddy. Thats someone who is willing to support you. And next time you feel like log in to orkut just call your Orkut Buddy and talk it through with him/her. Your buddy's job is to talk you out of login to orkut.

Me: Wow
Doctor: There are other therapy optins. You can find a local chapter of Orkut Anonymous. Or you can join Orkut Watchers. Basically you get n number of logins per week depending on your stage and as long as you are within that limit you slowly get out of the disorder.

Me: What if all this does not work?
Doctor: Then we go to medication. There is something called an Orkut patch. You put that on the fingers of your right hands that way you cannot type your password any more or use the mouse.

Me: I am afraid that won't work. I am a software professional.
Doctor: Well than we can use Frozac. Its a new blockbuster drug for ODD. By law I have to let you know that the side-effects may include you doing the same things again and again, talking stupid in front of your boss or customers and getting fired from your job.

Me: Thats sounds a lot
Doctor: Well the drug basically reduces your IQ by 100, so you are dumber and don't feel the nedd to log into orkut

Me: What if my ... umm ...I mean someone's IQ is already less than 100
Doctor: Don't worry, it won't make your IQ in negative

Me: Nice!!

phone ringing

Doctor: Opps that must me my Orkut buddy. I have to take this one... Get an orkut buddy. See me in two weeks.